For some reason the coming of Spring brought in the blues. Heavy, heavy blues. Everything was so easy for a little while. Needless to say, I knew it wouldn’t last.
I don’t feel the bowling ball this morning, but my body is super stiff. I haven’t worked out since Saturday, and unfortunately for all of us depressed folks – if you don’t work out, you can tailspin into darkness pretty fast. I also smoke weed, everyday. It’s probably not helping but it definitely gives my mind the shift it needs to keep moving (or just sleep it off). Speaking of sleeping, I do a lot more of it. Can’t quite ever get enough of it (also due to my smoking, and wine drinking). It’s hard to find a good nights asleep. I love the early mornings but I only get those when I have to go into work.
Today the clouds were neon pink.
But my soul continues to brew in darkness.
Last weekend I wasn’t very nice to my fiancé when he made the sudden decision to call in sick so we could hang out. What he didn’t know, was that I was looking forward to having this Saturday to myself. I was at a breaking point. I needed people to just leave me alone, including him. He was understandably upset. I didn’t know what to say, as I sat stubborn in my persistence to feel miserable. And I didn’t know how to explain it to him.
People tend to go silent when they hear the word ‘depression’.
We worked through it, once again. I tend to be like shaken soda bottle. I’ll keep it all inside until you shake me up enough. Never a good ending for me, the soda bottle or the person holding it.
Now I’m off to work which is a whole other soda bottle.